tim's experiment

Never let it be said that our Mainland brothers have no sense of humour. The morning before Liu Xiaobo’s chair was awarded the real Peace Prize in Oslo, readers of the local newspapers were treated to the news of a rival award, called the Confucius Peace Prize, bestowed in Beijing. Clearly no trouble had been spared to make this an occasion beyond satire. The recipient, a Taiwanese politician, was not present, so the bauble was bestowed on a sweet but puzzled 6-year-old girl. Her connection with the prize-winner, or peace, was not explained. The winner was supposed to be selected by an internet poll, but it eventually emerged that this had been cancelled because of “technical problems”.  So quite how the winner was picked remains a mystery. The shortlist, however, was compiled by four professors at Beijing universities. The eight people on it comprised, reportedly, the winner, one poet who works at the Ministry of Culture, the Panchen Lama and six foreigners. The prize money came from — ah, another mystery, — someone who “loves peace and wishes to remain anonymous”.

The idea, apparently, is that peace (like democracy?) has a Chinese version visible only from Beijing, and those who pursue it should be honoured in their turn. Although I noticed that on the same day the Foreign Ministry was being less modest. The Nobel committee, said a spokesman, “are in the minority. The Chinese people and the overwhelming majority of people in the world are opposed to what they do”. Let us all hail another symptom of China’s peaceful rise; the Beijing Foreign Ministry now speaks not only for the Chinese people, but for the overshelming majority of people in the world.

Well we must not be unkind to something which is still in its infancy. But I do wonder whether giving a peace prize is the most promising option, if the Chinese government wishes to give international prizes. Norway may be a small country, but it is demonstrably peaceful. It has never invaded anyone. Admittedly this is partly because it only became an independant country in 1905, but some countries manage lots of invasions in a mere 50 years. Like the PRC. Frankly the idea of “peace with Chinese characteristics” is not very convincing. Giving the prize to a Taiwanese KMT politico suggests that the Chinese idea of peace follows that of Carl von Clausewitz. The great military theorist pointed out in one of his more sardonic moments that the person who invades your country is always a pacifist: he wants nothing better than that you should submit to him without fighting. Anyway, in view of the PLA’s rich military history — not to mention its huge size — it may be a bit early for China to be regarded as an internationl authority on the pursuit of peace. Distributors of international prizes should stick to matters on which they have demonstrable expertise.

So I suggest that the Chinese government should institute a Confucius Prize for the world’s top despot. This is a matter on which China, with its eclectic collection of international friends — and its own venomous internal habits — can speak with authority. Indeed they can skip the shortlist phase of  the selection and go straight on to vote. All the likely candidates will be found on the list of countries which boycotted the Nobel ceremony this year. I dare say that any of this fine selection of nasties and ne’erdowells would be very happy to get a prize. And for people like this, such chances do not come up very often.  At least we could trust them to turn up to receive it.